Misconceptions about the BDSM lifestyle

Misconceptions about the BDSM lifestyle:



To some its a game, but to someone that is truly in the life style and make the choice to live it as a 24/7 it is not a game at all but a way of life. There is an ever increasing amount of those in the community seeking a 24/7 life style compared to those seeking an occasional set time and scene. However regardless of this the fact remains that BDSM revolves on the choices made by both the Dom/sub or Master/slave.



The largest misconception is that all Masters/Dom’s or Mistresses/Domme’s are evil sadistic and heartless people that derive their pleasure from the torture and humiliation of those under them. They are seen as modern day slave owners using the guise of a “life style” to cover up the fact they are sex crazed, ego robust, and evil intentions. The fact remains that this thought is simply no where even near the truth, yet it is the largest perceived notion about the community from those that seem to be out to get us.



The underlying thing that must be remembered about BDSM is the simple fact that its all choice. There is no forced slavery or submissive on someone. Many are curious about the life style and come asking a Master/Dom Mistresses/Domme questions then decided based on the information which role is best for them then they may or may not attempt the role. But the point remains the same its pure choice.



The slave/sub has a great deal of power even over their Master to a point, but the point is that most slaves/subs will not use said power unless they feel that the Master/Dom Mistress/Domme is going beyond their own abilities or feels there needs to be more preparations done before they move on to such an extreme. The point of a Master/Dom, Mistresses/Domme is to push their slaves/subs past their own limitations making them better not just as a slave/sub but as a person by showing them all the things they can do when given direction, purpose, and the ability.



The misconception also stands that BDSM is a sex based lifestyle. In reality many find that sex is not actually the point of the life style at all that in fact that the majority of the time it deals with mental and emotional aspects more so then physical. But there is quite of bit physical things going on other then sex. Sex is incorporated at times though and during such time it can be seen as either forced or not forced, as punishment or as a reward.

How Mistress and i met

For those who wonder about how Mistress and I got together, it’s quite a story, some have even said it rivals the great romances of Romeo and Juliet, Lancelot and Guinevere, Tristan and Isolde.  I don’t know about that, but I believe the story to be one of love, lust, heartbreak, joy, anger, tears, laughter, and miracles.

     It began in 2000, when my first wife and I split up, it wasn’t pretty and I won’t go into it here because it’s irrelevant.  I met a woman from northern Louisiana online, her name is also unimportant.  Let’s just say it’s unusual enough that if one were to try Googling her, they might actually find her pretty easily.

    This relationship didn’t last long; like most supernovae, it burned very bright and very hot, for a very short time, and then blew up so suddenly it sometimes leaves me wondering if it really happened, or did I simply imagine the whole thing?  I was already suffering immensely from the heartbreak of the death of my first marriage, and now this.  I didn’t know what to think, except that I really wasn’t interested in repeating my mistakes.  And I had made HUGE ones.

     I tried meeting other women, and I met three that came close, but came up short:  one was a little too unstable for me, one was too young (I was 32, she was 20), and one was 8 years older than me, and was too mothering (or is that smothering?)  I was only attracted to plus-size women-BBWs or SSBBWs.  I was also particularly attracted to the larger sized southern girls.  When I wasn’t working, I liked to hang out in the MSN BBW chatrooms and communities, and one day, on February 27, 2001, as I was perusing the posts in an MSN Community called BBW and Lovers-20s and 30s, and THERE SHE WAS!

She looked incredible.  It was a glamour photo, so I knew she didn’t look like that every day, but I also knew that that didn’t matter.  I knew, deep in my heart, that she was gorgeous.  In her post, she said that she had just gotten divorced from a man much older than her (she’s two years younger than me) who had treated her very badly and she was looking for someone to love and be loved by.  Her eyes seemed alive to me, and they seemed to BECKON to me.  However, the saying “Once bitten, twice shy” applied at that moment, and I almost passed her by, not wanting a repeat of my post-marriage breakup relationship disaster.

     Something told me, however, that if I DIDN’T contact her, and let her slip away, that I would regret it for the rest of my life.  Something in the back of my mind gave me a Leroy Jethro Gibbs-style headslap and said “Don’t pass her up, jackass!”  So I didn’t.  I composed a brief email to her (making sure not to make any mention of sex-it was too early and it would happen if it happened.  After all, I was living in Southern California and she was in Birmingham, Alabama.  There wouldn’t BE any sex unless we got together as a couple.   I knew that would require one of us moving to live with the other-I also knew there were too many bad memories there in California and I was willing to leave it all behind and start over somewhere else, WITH someONE else.  I only wanted a chance with this lovely southern belle.

     As it turned out, it was several days before I got a response from her.  This was because of the timing that I sent it.  She worked a job with an unusual schedule.  On one week, off the next, with her on week ending with a two day, 50 hour shift.  I caught her on her on week.  Anyway, what was the worst that could happen?  She’d blow me off, and I’d lost nothing.  And after several days, I thought that’s exactly what had happened.

     But one day while I was at work, I got my lunch and signed in on MSN Messenger, and there was a request from her to be added to my contacts.  So I added her, and we started talking.  I talked far longer with her than I should have, my hour long lunch turned into a three hour lunch.  At that point, I was already getting burned out in my job and really didn’t care about it anymore, I would have left it soon anyway.  Our conversation was incredible, and all I knew was I wanted more.  I was a man starved for companionship and here was someone else, looking for companionship, who was already tugging at my heartstrings and beginning to reignite the smoldering embers of love in a very damaged (in more ways than one) heart.  I asked if we could talk some more and we did.  Later that night, at home, I talked with her for hours, and I was rapidly becoming hooked.  We had absolutely NOTHING in common but for some reason, I was DRAWN to her like a moth to a flame.  And over the next two months, that flame would grow to a forest fire.  Finally, we had decided to move things forward, and I was ready to leave my old life behind.  After discussing it with her, I gave my notice at work, bought a plane ticket, and started getting my belongings ready to ship out to Alabama.  A couple days before I was to leave, I called to talk to her, and instead of her, I got her sister.  I got a story about her being at the store, and that she would call me when she got back.  No such luck.  It was like she had vanished from the face of the planet.  I kept calling, and getting the same result.  Finally, her mom and sister admitted that they had lied, that she had taken off with a truck driver.  I couldn’t believe it.  Burned a third time.  Suicidally depressed and heartbroken, I got my job back and began unpacking everything, and threw my now-useless plane ticket in the trash.

     But then, a couple days after I was to have left, I got a phone call from her.  I wasn’t at home when it came, I was at work, so she left a message on my machine, saying that she understood if I never wanted to talk to her again, but she said she was desperate to talk to me and that she’d be able to in a couple of days, on Saturday.  It was early May, and I knew enough about her to know that she wouldn’t have called me just to apologize, she was not the type of person to rub salt in a wound.  Besides, fool that I am, I still loved her and her call gave me hope that she might want to come back to me.

     On Saturday, I eagerly waited by the phone for her call, and she called exactly when she said she would.  It was late afternoon, and she told me the whole story.  She had gotten cold feet, and listened to her mother and sister, who had told her that getting involved with someone who lived so far away was a mistake, and her sister hooked her up with this truck driver and she left with him to go on a run with him.  She said she had realized her mistake shortly after they had left, but wasn’t able to call me until they got to where they were going to make his delivery in Laredo, Texas.  That’s where she called me, but she wouldn’t be able to talk to me there because they weren’t going to be there any longer than necessary to unload the truck and head back to Alabama, where they expected to arrive on Saturday afternoon.  So as soon as she arrived back at home, she called me and we had a long talk.  It was, and has been, the only time she has ever hurt me.  She asked me desperately to give her another chance, and I did.  I called and told my boss the original notice was still in effect, and I bought another plane ticket, shipped all my stuff to Alabama the before I was to leave, and then I left on May 12, 2001.  All I could think about that day was getting to her, and when I did, I saw her waiting for me at my gate, and saw that her photographs had not done her justice.  She was unbelievably gorgeous, beautiful, sexy, cute, hot, all at the same time!  She had me drive home from the airport, giving me the directions along the way, and when we finally got there, we sat in the car for over an hour, just kissing.

Welcome!

Hi!  Welcome to Bound By Chains Of Love, my name is Kevin.  Also known as pet, I am a 24/7 service-oriented slave in service of my Mistress, Mommie Marshmallow.  W/we are a completely devoted and very happily married couple in O/our early 40s.  W/we have been together since 2001, married since 2005, and recently embarked on a journey into the BDSM Lifestyle in 2012.  She is the love of my life and I would do anything for Her.  This blog is a record of O/our journey together; the good, the bad, the quirky, the sad, the fun, the heat, and the need W/we feel for each other, will all be recorded here.