Happy New Year!

I just thought I would stop in and wish E/everyone a Happy New Year for 2013!!!  Be safe, don't drink and drive, and let's get 2013 off to a GREAT start!!!  :)

Orgasm Denial/Control/On Demand

Orgasm Denial/Control/On Demand
by baby

I'd like to take a few moments to contemplate orgasm training.  Specifically, orgasm control, orgasm denial, and orgasm on demand.  These three areas are a cornerstone of the training of a submissive male, and I believe once mastered, form a rock-solid foundation for the male's submissiveness and absolute devotion to his Mistress.


Submission is a gift from the submissive to the dominant partner, and requires complete trust in the dominant partner.  A submissive must trust the dominant partner completely, and must trust the dominant partner to have the submissive's best interests at heart.  That having been said, perhaps the ultimate expression of submissiveness to his Mistress is giving Her total control over his orgasms, which are the one single area where a man's maleness is completely, well.....male.  It is often the male's primary driver...hence the phrase "He's thinking with the wrong head!"  When a male gets horny, oftentimes rational thought goes out the window.  When a man submits to his woman, he trusts her to control his orgasms as a sign of his complete devotion to Her, knowing that She will accept this gift with all the love he has put into it, and will reward him with them with the same love.  Each one will be special, and none will be wasted.  But to ensure this, he must be denied most of the time.  If a man is permitted to orgasm whenever he wishes, he begins taking them for granted and, indeed, submission should be about the pleasure and service of his Mistress, not about his own pleasure and needs.  The truly submissive male must learn to separate his own wants and needs from those of his Mistress.  He should always strive to pleasure Her, to whatever extent She desires, but he must NEVER EVER expect the same from Her.  He must trust that She will reward him enough that every orgasm is special, a moment to be cherished forever, a moment in which he is allowed to give his Mistress his very essence.  And She must remember that a submissive man is often a needy man, so She must be certain She is not too stingy with them.

This means that most of the time, She must deny him.  As Mistress, She has the right to Her own orgasms.  As slave, he does not.  As slave, he must expect the opposite, that She will use him until She is satisfied, and then dismiss him.  This is not cruelty.  Many  people would believe that it is, but this denial is based in love.  She does this because he wants it.  She may use it to test him, test his devotion.  She may deny him for a week, or two weeks, or a month, or six months, or a year, or longer.....but She must always keep his well-being in mind as well.  Long term denial must never be used as punishment.  This may cause resentment.  Both the slave and the Mistress must agree how long to go.  Forced chastity may be a great male fantasy, but it's not a good idea in reality.  For myself, I've gone a week before, and that was very difficult, but I'm willing to go as long as Mommie decides.  I'm willing because my love is deep enough to sustain me.  And I want Her control over me to be total.  I want to experience a full-on TPE 24/7 relationship.  And this is a major part of it.

I also want to be trained to control my orgasms for Her.  This would be a great skill to have when in orgasm denial.  It takes a special kind of lover to make love to his Mistress and satisfy Her through intercourse as long and as often as She wants, WITHOUT CUMMING!  Again, this is something I want, as a sign of my submissiveness, to be able to see to Her needs and wants without tying them to my own.

And finally, the elusive Holy Grail of orgasm control, being able to cum on demand.  Much more difficult to train a male to do this than a female, it is still nevertheless very rare for both males and females.  It's a long process, that works by conditioning.  Through orgasm denial, and the selective granting of orgasms in connection with a specific word to be used as a trigger, the orgasm is linked to the word, and when and if the training is successful, the slave will be able to orgasm simply by hearing his Mistress say the trigger word, without being touched at all.  But it takes a long time, and is often unsuccessful because of one of many factors, including the difference in individual response, the effectiveness or ineffectiveness of the Mistress's training, etc.  To me, this would be the height of submissiveness, to be able to orgasm simply by hearing your Mistress's voice, instantly and without stimulation.  And even if success in this instance is never achieved, I'm certain it would be the most fun, sexually, that a loving couple could have.

Just some thoughts......

Honesty In BDSM Relationships

Honesty In BDSM Relationships

By baby boy

How important is honesty in a Dom/sub relationship and how hard is it to always be honest when one has done something wrong?

This isn’t all that difficult to answer, because of the nature of Dom/sub relationships.  BDSM as a lifestyle choice is based on trust.  A Dom/me is always pushing His or Her sub’s limits, in an effort to make the sub a better sub.  By better, I mean many different areas, such as depth of submission, quality of service, fullness of devotion.  In order to do this, there MUST be complete trust.  The sub must trust that the Dom/me will not do anything to harm the sub either physically, psychologically, or emotionally, and the Dom/me must trust that the sub will let Him or Her know when the sub is approaching his or her limit.  Communication is key here, and communication MUST BE UNHINDERED AND UNOBSCURED.  This means there MUST BE complete honesty between the Dom/me and the sub, at all times.  This should be the case in vanilla relationships as well, but it is absolutely critical in BDSM relationships.  A Dom/me must know his/her sub, and vice versa, or the sub’s health and quite possibly life is endangered.  Imagine a sub that enjoyed breath play, and a Dom taking it too far, without realizing the sub’s limits.  The sub runs the very real risk of suffocation.  GAME OVER!

This being the case, a sub should not under any circumstances conceal anything from his or her Dom/me, and this includes if the sub has done something wrong without the Dom/me’s knowledge.  Rules are set up by the Dom/me to achieve some goal, in most cases, a set of behaviors designed to provide structure and encourage self-discipline, or to protect the sub.  So when the sub breaks a rule, the sub is not only doing something detrimental to the sub, but also damaging the trust of the Dom/me, and disrespecting the Dom/me.  It is also disrespectful to the Dom/me to lie to Him/Her and to conceal from Him/Her.  That amounts to ANOTHER rule broken.  So the sub is better off admitting to the transgression and accepting whatever punishment/discipline/training the Dom/me decides on to either correct the sub or to discourage the sub from breaking that rule again.

It is important though, to realize that both the Dom/me and the sub are human.  The Dom/me is not a terrorist whose only motivation is the infliction of fear or pain, and the sub is not a robot who can be programmed to flawlessly perform its duties without fail.  Neither are impervious, and both should recognize the limitations of the other.

Respect

Respect

By Kevin Mahoney (pet)

I’d like to take a few minutes to talk about respect.  BDSM is a power exchange activity (lifestyle for those living it 24/7) between a Dominant and a submissive, but it’s not just between the two partners (or more, in the case of polyamorous partnerships); it also can involve others in the BDSM community, both Dom/mes and subs (and switches).  Negotiation is a major part of the process of a Dom/me and a sub coming together, and once they ARE together, they have agreed to a set of rules and protocols between them and expect those rules and protocols to be respected by outsiders who are allowed to be involved with them.  This means that if I, as a Dom, have a sub that I am in a committed relationship with, and I take her to a play party, or we are in an online forum, it is established that I am her Dom and she is my sub, and if I choose to allow another Dom to play with her, the choice is mine, not his.  It is simple respect.  As her Dom, I consider her to be my property and just like I would not allow a stranger to just get into my car and drive away in it, so I would not allow him to start issuing commands, demands, or otherwise using my sub without my approval.

The problem comes in when self-claimed “Dom/mes” who have no knowledge whatsoever of the lifestyle, no interest in learning about it, and see subs as nothing more than easy targets for their predatory behavior, begin to intrude on the agreement between a sub and her Master or a sub and his Mistress, by making unwanted contact, unwanted demands, undermining the Master/Mistress by claiming to be a better Master/Mistress, and/or making threatening behavior (I’ll be sure to beat that bad behavior out of you.”)  All of this without the Master/Mistress’s approval.  This is disrespectful to the sub, the Master or Mistress, and to the BDSM community and the lifestyle in general.  Unfortunately, there are many men out there who are like this, they never learned the proper respect when they were young and lack the social skills necessary to the BDSM lifestyle.  And that goes for the vanilla world, too.  I don’t know how many female friends of mine have all complained about some jerk whose only interest in them was to find out their bra size.  This is disrespectful enough, but in the BDSM community, trying to come between and Master/Mistress and his/her sub or trying to interact with said sub is like making passes at a man’s wife or a woman’s husband KNOWING that they are married.  Totally without class and in my opinion grounds for a royal ass-kicking.  Especially if you continue to do so, after being asked nicely (by the sub) and then not so nicely (by the Dom/me).  Signs to watch for (if you’re a sub):

Any man or woman who contacts you without contacting your Master or Mistress first.

Any man or woman who issues commands directly to you (if your Master or Mistress wants you taking orders from someone else, he or she will tell you first)

Any man or woman who claims to be better for you than the Master or Mistress you have already given your submission to.  Giving submission is a gift, it is something to be earned, not demanded.  And under no circumstances is any negative action to be threatened if you do NOT obey his or her commands.

Any man or woman who threatens you in any way (such as, “I must remember to beat that snarky attitude out of you” or “You will not speak until I tell you to; if you do, you won’t be able to sit down for a month”, etc. etc.

Remember, whether you as either a Dom or a sub are practicing BDSM under SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual) or RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink), the key concept to remember here is CONSENT.  When another so-called Dom/predator starts trying to horn his way into an already established relationship between a Dom/me and a sub, there is no consent.  This is tantamount to an insult or slap in the face and these people need to be exposed, so that they can no longer prey upon women (or men) who are vulnerable because they are eager to submit to someone and are looking for someone to submit to.  Not everyone who says he is a Dom truly is.  Many are just wanna-be’s looking for their own gratification and don’t care one bit about those upon whom they are preying.

So let’s look out for each other, respect the boundaries that exist within the community, and expose those who do not.

Apology

I just wanted to apologize for not posting lately, I've been a busy little bee what with Christmas shopping, shipping, cleaning, carrying out my Mommie's assigned tasks, and medical stuff.  I've also been sick the last few days, and I was in yesterday to see the allergist about long term treatment of my sinus issues (allergic sinusitis.)  They gave me a pulmonary function test and determined that although there is no sign of asthma, my breathing function is way down and is probably a result of my heart condition.  However, they were unable to do the skin testing because I've had an antihistamine within the last week (I have to be off antihistamines for 1 week prior to the testing so that the reactions are not inhibited.)  So they scheduled the testing for next week, on the 20th, and I can't take any antihistamine until after the tests. I take loratadine (Claritin) and diphenhydramine (Benadryl).

Collaring Ceremony (based on the Ceremony of the Roses)

Collaring Ceremony of Mommie Marshmallow & pet

1.                  pet wears white and holds white rose, petals closed.  pet is also wearing training collar.

2.                  Mommie wears black and holds red rose, petals opened.

3.                  Candles are already lit.

4.                  Couple faces each other.

5.                  Mommie removes training collar, then places it next to formal collar and picks up formal collar.  She then passes formal collar quickly through the flame and then places it on pet’s neck, making declaration that She will protect and guide him for all of eternity.

Mommie:

“With this collar, I bind you to me with chains of unbreakable love, to guide you and protect you for all eternity.”

6.                  With thorn on stem of Her red rose, She pricks pet’s middle finger and lets two drops of his blood fall onto the petals of his white rose.

7.                  pet then offers the thorn on the stem of his rose and Mommie pricks Her middle finger and lets two drops of blood fall onto the petals of the white rose: one alone, and one on top of one of his drops.

8.                  Mommie and pet press their fingers together, and make their vows to be joined by blood.

Pet:

For the submissive that i am 

”For all that i am 
And all that i will become,
i give wholly myself to You.
my needs are but natural,
And my devotion extreme,
i hope this pleases You.
Patience, kindness and compassion,
With humor and honesty,
Are just a simple few i need.
Wisdom, Courage and trust,
With confidence and self esteem,
Just know i’ll let You lead.
If You hear my soul yearning,
When my body is trembling,
i know You’ll keep me safe.
When You take thorough control
Of my body , mind and soul,
Ensure You will have my faith.
If You’re obliged to correct me,
As i’ve deviated from Your desire,
i’ll understand You’ll use a protective glove.
i will feel Your forgiveness,
Reassurance, approval and respect.
In all Your kindness, understanding, and love.
For all that i am 
And all that i will become,
i give wholly myself to You.”

9.                  They then take the chain (from the pillow), pass it quickly through the flame and join opposite hands and wrap the chain around their unified wrists.

10.              They again make their vows to be bound by their souls for eternity.

Mommie:

For the Domme that I am 

”For all that I am 
And all that I will become,
I pledge wholly Myself to you.
My needs are but natural,
And My devotion extreme,
I hope this comforts and soothes you.
Patience, kindness and compassion,
With humor and honesty,
Are just a simple few I offer.
Wisdom, Courage and Trust,
With confidence and Self control,
Just know I’ll lead you.
you will feel My soul calling,
My body’s hungers,
you know I’ll keep you safe.
When I take thorough control
Of your body, mind, and soul,
Ensured I will have your faith.
If I must correct you,
As you’ve deviated from My desire,
You’ll understand I use a protective glove of Love.
you will feel My forgiveness,
Reassurance, Approval and Respect.
In all My Kindness, Understanding and love.
For all that I am 
And all that I will become,
I pledge wholly Myself to you.”

11.              The roses are touched together, letting the blood on his white rose kiss the petals of Her red rose.  The roses are then exchanged.

Both:

“W/we are now bound by the chains of O/our unbreakable love.”

12.              The chain is removed and then carefully wrapped in a cloth to be given to the couple after the ceremony.

13.              pet hands his rose to Mommie and kneels before Mommie, kissing her feet and sucking briefly on each toe.

14.              The roses are placed in a single vase and will later be taken by the couple to their private chamber as a reminder to them as they contemplate their future together, while joining their bodies.

15.              Before joining their bodies in bed, Mommie flogs pet with Her flogger.  Each blow is to be delivered forcefully, on the backside and back, one blow for each year the couple has been together.  Each year afterward, on this day, this will be repeated, adding one more blow for the intervening year.

16.              In the morning they share their hopes and dreams of being together for eternity and pluck the petals from the roses and place them in a special container.  These petals will be kept until the end of the couple’s lifetime.  Portions of each will be buried with each partner in death.

17.              The chain will pass down to family or an honored friend, possibly to be used again in another Ceremony of the Roses.

Symbolism of the Ceremony of the Roses:

The Symbolism Revealed

 The significance of the roses

The white rose, still not in full bloom, symbolizes his submission. The white color represents the purity of his gift, while the still slightly closed petals show that his submission has not come into full bloom. It never will. Submission is ever deepening, ever growing and the submissive will never reach a place where he cannot open a bit more for his Dominant. The red rose, almost fully open, signifies her dominance. The red represents her passion and desire to posses and protect him at all costs, though it may require her to spill her blood to do so. The rose is almost in full bloom to symbolize that she is ready and mature enough to accept the responsibilities required of her.

In older times, the collar would have been made of metal and heated to a glow and plunged into cold water to temper it after it was burned of all impurities. This action symbolized the removing of all impurities from the circle of ownership provided by the Dominant. All outside influences are burned away in the heat of her desire to protect and defend her submissive. The tempering of the metal that takes place when plunged into cold water shows the strengthening of their commitment by submersion into the waters of life. Today we only symbolize this by passing the collar quickly though the flame, taking care not to damage it. (Note: The use of an alcohol burner in place of a candle prevents any carbon residue from getting on the collar, although there will probably be none if the action is performed quickly enough.)

 The significance of the blood:

Pricking the finger of the submissive is symbolic of taking his virginity. He has shed blood to give himself completely to her. The drops on the white rose also speak of the same thing. In pricking her own finger, the dominant shows her willingness to shed her blood to protect and defend him by virtue of her ownership. The drops on his rose show that vividly; the drop that falls on his blood covers it and blends with it, thus indicating their union. Pressing the wounds from the thorns together allows their blood to mix, joining them as strongly as their own family blood-lines. They are now of the same flesh and blood. Exchanging the roses is symbolic of their gift of themselves to each other

 The significance of the chain:

The chain is a series of links that represent all the events that have led them to be joined. Each one interlocks with another to complete the chain. Passing it through the flame symbolizes the purification of all the events in their time together as well as their pasts. All bad things are burned away into forgetfulness and only the good remains. Wrapping the chain around them gives a visual image of the binding together of two souls into one. This chain is never used for anything again, other than in a similar ceremony by the person who receives this chain as a gift. They are often passed down for decades or even centuries and are honored by those fortunate enough to receive such a gift.

 The significance of the petals:

The mixture of the petals signifies the mixing and blending of their lives. Couples often keep them in a decorative jar, once the petals have dried completely. Upon death, a portion of those petals are placed with the body to show a bond that will extend beyond the grave. Many legends are told of roses that have sprung up on the graves of couples who have loved so strongly during their physical lifetime that even in death they sent back evidence of their everlasting love in the form of roses that bloom again on the graves.

Moving forward

Mistress and I had a little difficulty this past weekend, sort of growing pains I guess, which are only natural whenever a relationship is developing, even when that relationship is a long established one that is merely undergoing changes.  Everything evolves over time, it's not hard to understand that.  Life goes on, kids grow up, businesses start up or fail, health issues pop up, we get older...the point is that things change, and so our lives change, and for relationships and marriages to succeed they can't remain the same.  But with our adoption of the BDSM lifestyle, the addition of roles and protocols causes some confusion, and communication is critical:  not just what you communicate, but also how.

We realized that we really needed to learn more about what we were doing, as we're still both kind of flailing about, trying to find a balance of different roles that we have taken.  In most areas, the primary roles that we have adopted are that of Mistress (or Domme) for my wife, and slave (submissive) for myself.  I have always felt passive in my dealings with women, and with life in general.  I have never been much of a leader, although I have on occasion tried.  For the most part, I preferred letting somebody else make the decisions.  It wasn't until those decisions started causing me great pain that I began developing my trust issues, and those took years to work through, and grow beyond.  In addition to roles of Mistress and slave, I am also her beloved pet, and She is my Owner;  and as Her little, I am Her baby boy, and She is my Mommie (age play can be fun - I want to clarify it has nothing to do with incest or me wanting to do anything inappropriate with my real mother or vice versa, nor does it have anything to do with my Mistress wanting to do anything inappropriate with an actual child.  It is simply the desire of my Mistress to nurture and take care of me, and my desire to be cared for by Her.  I love the Mommie/little boy dynamic (the reverse of the Daddy/little girl side of the coin) as it allows me to totally let Her hold me, cuddle me, and let me be carefree and without any kind of worry.

But in juggling these new roles and new rules and protocols, questions emerged about what W/we were looking for out of the evolving relationship, and what direction it should evolve in, and how W/we were to grow, and whether W/we were fulfilling O/our responsibilities in our respective roles. 24/7 slaves have a set of responsibilities provided by the Master or Mistress that pertain to the running of the household in a way that frees the Dominant of that particular responsibility, so that the Dominant may focus on other responsibilities such as providing for the slave.  The Dominant makes all or most of the decisions in the slave's life, thus freeing the slave to devote his or her full attention to serving and pleasing the Dominant in whatever way the Dominant requires.  This is an overly simplistic description of the responsibilities, but you get the idea.

The questions that came up this past weekend forced me to look at how W/we wished to proceed, and how deeply I wanted it to run.   I realized, painfully, how much it would hurt to lose the BDSM part of O/our relationship:  it made me feel like "What would I do now?"  There would be an empty hole in me.  That's not to say our relationship would end, or O/our marriage, that would never happen.  She is the love of my life, and my life will always be intertwined with Hers.  But something would be missing:  my service to Her.  I realized then that I wanted-needed-it to go as deeply as possible:  I needed to give Her complete and total control over every aspect of my life, from when I went to bed at night, to when I got up every morning.  To what I ate, when I ate, how much I would be allowed to eat.  To what clothes I wore each day.  As Her property, everything that I had once owned were now Hers.  My DVD collection was now Hers, everything, my bank accounts, my money (except for a small allowance), even my Jeep.  The only two things that I would own now were my wedding ring and my collar.  These I would be required to care for as if they were my most precious possessions, which of course they ARE.  As the only property I will ever again be permitted to own, I love and cherish them even more now, and wish that I never had to take them off ever again.  I am proud to own them and to wear them at all times.  The only time they come off is when I am bathing or showering, and when I have to care for them by cleaning and maintaining their appearance.  A slave may  not disrespect his Wife by disrespecting his ring, nor may he insult his Mistress by insulting the collar given by Her to him.

I know W/we both have a long way to go, and a whole lot to learn, but W/we are putting O/our best foot forward, and learning the best W/we can to give this lifestyle every chance to succeed and be the kind of loving union W/we both know it can be.

<3 <3 <3