Honesty In BDSM Relationships

Honesty In BDSM Relationships

By baby boy

How important is honesty in a Dom/sub relationship and how hard is it to always be honest when one has done something wrong?

This isn’t all that difficult to answer, because of the nature of Dom/sub relationships.  BDSM as a lifestyle choice is based on trust.  A Dom/me is always pushing His or Her sub’s limits, in an effort to make the sub a better sub.  By better, I mean many different areas, such as depth of submission, quality of service, fullness of devotion.  In order to do this, there MUST be complete trust.  The sub must trust that the Dom/me will not do anything to harm the sub either physically, psychologically, or emotionally, and the Dom/me must trust that the sub will let Him or Her know when the sub is approaching his or her limit.  Communication is key here, and communication MUST BE UNHINDERED AND UNOBSCURED.  This means there MUST BE complete honesty between the Dom/me and the sub, at all times.  This should be the case in vanilla relationships as well, but it is absolutely critical in BDSM relationships.  A Dom/me must know his/her sub, and vice versa, or the sub’s health and quite possibly life is endangered.  Imagine a sub that enjoyed breath play, and a Dom taking it too far, without realizing the sub’s limits.  The sub runs the very real risk of suffocation.  GAME OVER!

This being the case, a sub should not under any circumstances conceal anything from his or her Dom/me, and this includes if the sub has done something wrong without the Dom/me’s knowledge.  Rules are set up by the Dom/me to achieve some goal, in most cases, a set of behaviors designed to provide structure and encourage self-discipline, or to protect the sub.  So when the sub breaks a rule, the sub is not only doing something detrimental to the sub, but also damaging the trust of the Dom/me, and disrespecting the Dom/me.  It is also disrespectful to the Dom/me to lie to Him/Her and to conceal from Him/Her.  That amounts to ANOTHER rule broken.  So the sub is better off admitting to the transgression and accepting whatever punishment/discipline/training the Dom/me decides on to either correct the sub or to discourage the sub from breaking that rule again.

It is important though, to realize that both the Dom/me and the sub are human.  The Dom/me is not a terrorist whose only motivation is the infliction of fear or pain, and the sub is not a robot who can be programmed to flawlessly perform its duties without fail.  Neither are impervious, and both should recognize the limitations of the other.